Abandonment Depression: The Way to Freedom of It!
There are 3 places this comes from.
-One is not being encouraged to undergo risk taking behavior when a child and thereby not fully developing an “individual self”. If you were reprimanded for taking risks as a child (ie. taking a step stool to get your own cup etc)...this eventually would cause you as a child to cling to your parent to get approval because when you showed self-initiative, you got punished.
-Another is actually due to fate. You actually were abandoned by a parent due to addiction, illness, or something else. The age that this happened will determine the extent of the abandonment depression.
-Lastly, a personality trait/karmic wound that caused you to just be a more needy child and then found yourself being rejected because your needs far outweighed what was humanly possible to fulfill.
Or a combination of all!
What is the result of these childhood occurrences? As an adult, it could be elements of borderline personality disorder which in turn causes severe depression and or/ anxiety when threatened in any way of being pushed to face this deep-seated abandonment depression. Sometimes, to avoid this depression people either get really angry trying to force people not to push them into their deepest wound, or numb oneself through cutting, picking, ocd expressions, having affairs, drugs, alcohol etc. The problem is, that when the person with this issue feels any fear they will be abandoned, the feeling is so overwhelming, the panic so bad, that the result is leaning on coping mechanisms.
If this is your issue, as a spiritual being, how can you deal with this challenging abandonment depression that controls your life in so many ways?
So, the steps to recovering?
-Say yes to safe, healthy, loving people to be your best friends and partner.
-When the abandonment thoughts come up, share them at first with the ones you fear will leave if appropriate. However, if after a year with someone in your life, you are still bringing these paranoid questions up, choose to IGNORE THE THOUGHTS UNLESS YOU HAVE OBVIOUS PROOF YOUR WORRIES ARE WARRANTED.
-Meditate on your fears. Use this Sikh Mantra/Yoga practice to dissolve fear:http://www.spiritvoyage.com/globalsadhana/ReleaseFearAndBecomeAConsciousLeader; or simply meditate everyday asking your fears to come up, then clear beliefs around those fears. If you don’t know how to do this, set up a session with me and I can teach you how. Here is a link to another 11 ways to transform fear from my blog note I wrote a while back: 11 Ways to Transform Fear
-Fill your days with meaningful work, and fun activities. The more you develop a sense of self, the less you will fear being devastated by someone leaving as you will feel like you have your OWN life.
-Read literature on Borderline Personality Disorder to gain insight. I suggest this book here:http://www.amazon.com/Search-For-The-Real-Self/dp/0029202922/ref=pd_ybh_5
-Do not react to try to stop anyone from abandoning you. When you want to react, do the opposite, then do your meditation to clear all that is coming up.
-Get healing! Having support from many places is key!
I send you much love and light. You can undo this painful wound. You will. You have. And so it is.